What the flying flute?
I cringed when I looked back at what I wrote yesterday. I honestly sounded like I'm a lovesick dude drunk-texting my ex about my soppy feelings - that's no good at all, mein gott.
It's pretty ironic given that I've never been attached, and people who know me in real life know I'd never get drunk, ever. I rarely drink, and even if I do, I don't tend to drink enough to test my alcohol tolerance levels.
Anyway I'm glad today wasn't a bad day for me especially since I'm usually tormented by my feelings all day. Despite so I almost lost it this morning when I woke up fresh from my dreams the entire night - and every single bit of it was about S. Effing hell - it's never a good way to start any day with such a dash of bitterness and sourness and just plain sadness. Nevertheless I accompanied my younger sister to her test venue, and I'm pretty stoked she did really well for it especially since she was chanting "I'm gonna fail" the entire two hours before it, lel. Well there was a component she wasn't happy at how she scored, but I guess in life you lose some, eh?
Despite being pretty involved in her university application process it's immensely difficult to picture her going to university just a year after me. She's just feels like a little girl to me. Two years of mandatory conscription closed the gap in timings for entering university between me and her really made things a bit weird.
I'm still hoping that she'll decide to stay here to do her degree, rather than join me half the world away because I'll be deprived from peace and quiet for the rest of the other two years I'm going to stay there. Yeah nope I've pretty much decided I can't handle the stress of cooking for her.
Other than that I had some time to hang out with her after her test, and my mother found time to join us as well. It was nice, and much appreciated given the fact I'm leaving in a month's time. I'm certainly not going to have as many chances to binge-eat ice-cream or share silly moments with them, and I'll miss them. Today's trip to the museum was just amazeballs, and I've never had so much fun in a museum before.
Some might ask if I love my family so much, then why move to a place half the world away to start university? It's because - I realised that if I never break free from my home country, I'll not be able to pursue things I'd like to and I'll have to deal with the current flowing against me. It's been a struggle just trying to get people to be chill about me not eating carbs. It seems like everyone is out to judge you. I really just hope to find a less judgmental place to spend the next three to four years of my life. Volunteer, like the lady I had the pleasure to know in my first day in Melbourne who spends her nights protecting penguins on St Kilda Beach - without having anyone guess her intentions or judge her for not efficiently using her time. Go to the gym! Go to gigs of musicians or bands that none of your friends know about! Be able to do whatever the eff you want to better yourself as a person!
That's it for today I guess. This is really therapeutic. I'll probably not regret it if I force myself to write every single day, just like S did before...
And he's leaving tomorrow to go back to school. In a country I'll be, in just a month's time.
Well yeah we're in different cities and universities but I'm reaaaalllly just crossing my fingers and hoping I don't unknowingly bump into him at some high school alumni thingum. That will really be awkward. I've always been playing the scene in my head about meeting him somehow somewhere, but till today, I haven't had a clue on what to do and how to react in such a situation. Fuck me. You're better than that, M. You're socially adept, M, despite you thinking otherwise.
And yet such a simple situation you stumble. Damn you.
But really, why did he had to tell people on Insta stories it's T-1? Is he trying to hint something?
Don't think too much about you yourself being important, M. You probably don't mean a thing to him at all.
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