If you happen to follow what I've been writing, I'm actually here now.
It's not that I hate Blogger (it's where my first blog is from, anyway), but that Wordpress gives me more control and soothes the crazy perfectionist in me.
I hope to see you there!
M
Thursday, September 14, 2017
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
Random thoughts
I get jealous with people with more friends than me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
It's ten days away, M - ten days away from getting to know more people. Be chill, and get this right. I was wondering whether I should switch up from Blogger to some other platform where there's more of a chance to interact with more like-minded people. I was honestly really bummed by the fact that the "blogs you follow" feature got removed on the Blogger profile, and to be honest - Blogger is the kind of stuff I was using when I was 11 to write crap. In fact, I still do have the posts from the other blog - and although some of the stuff I've posted was really beyond what an eleven year old would write, the rest was downright cringe.
Tumblr? Tumblr's isn't really good for writing what I feel, neither does Dayre will.
If I'm not back here, you'll probably be able to find me over at Wordpress. same domain, perhaps!
I probably should get some rest first.
What the hell is wrong with me?
It's ten days away, M - ten days away from getting to know more people. Be chill, and get this right. I was wondering whether I should switch up from Blogger to some other platform where there's more of a chance to interact with more like-minded people. I was honestly really bummed by the fact that the "blogs you follow" feature got removed on the Blogger profile, and to be honest - Blogger is the kind of stuff I was using when I was 11 to write crap. In fact, I still do have the posts from the other blog - and although some of the stuff I've posted was really beyond what an eleven year old would write, the rest was downright cringe.
Tumblr? Tumblr's isn't really good for writing what I feel, neither does Dayre will.
If I'm not back here, you'll probably be able to find me over at Wordpress. same domain, perhaps!
I probably should get some rest first.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
I'm tired (reprise)
Eff you, Google. You make it so hard to follow another person's blog without almost outing oneself.
To anyone (is there anyone?) who reads this blog - the only reason why there's two profiles is because I'm using the other to read the blogs of other bi/gay men/other people publicly.
No point hiding anonymously to others, but hey, give me my veil.
I don't even understand why I went through the effort to do so. I just hope for a little bit of guidance but it's difficult to get.
Sucks to be me.
To anyone (is there anyone?) who reads this blog - the only reason why there's two profiles is because I'm using the other to read the blogs of other bi/gay men/other people publicly.
No point hiding anonymously to others, but hey, give me my veil.
I don't even understand why I went through the effort to do so. I just hope for a little bit of guidance but it's difficult to get.
Sucks to be me.
I'm tired
It's so frustrating that I have no one to talk to, and no one seems to really care if I'm dead or alive. I'm extremely tense by the thought that I might not do well enough in finding a job, although I'm at least three years away from that prospects.
It hurts my brain so much, but I feel like it's exactly the worry that many of my peers have - that our early to mid twenties are the peak of our performance and we've gotta get ahead by then, else fall behind.
Hell, two years in the army. I'm only graduating when I'm 23. That's old. We're talking about a bachelor's degree, and I'm still kicking myself for not being good enough.
It hurts. It fucking sucks.
I'm also nowhere nearer telling people that I'm bisexual and that number remains at... one? This sucks. Do I have to out myself? No. But I feel it's probably better, but I get reminded by all the issues like bi-erasure/bi-phobia (something I've talked about... four years ago?) and pause and think again.
It is extremely exhausting for me to actually to get people to chin up, and it's bad when you're dealing with a number of two to four. I know I can be a bundle of joy at times, but sometimes it hurts me so badly that I just don't have that kind of energy to deal with other people's issue and try to get them to be more optimistic about stuff.
I probably shouldn't be complaining, given that I've often not optimistic in front of S. Gosh. Karma's a bitch.
I've asked S before the question that if I disappear, would anyone notice? He said he will.
I'm not sure if he would anymore, but I'm over my broken friendship with him. I'm just hoping other people do realise if I actually do disappear.
Over and out.
It hurts my brain so much, but I feel like it's exactly the worry that many of my peers have - that our early to mid twenties are the peak of our performance and we've gotta get ahead by then, else fall behind.
Hell, two years in the army. I'm only graduating when I'm 23. That's old. We're talking about a bachelor's degree, and I'm still kicking myself for not being good enough.
It hurts. It fucking sucks.
I'm also nowhere nearer telling people that I'm bisexual and that number remains at... one? This sucks. Do I have to out myself? No. But I feel it's probably better, but I get reminded by all the issues like bi-erasure/bi-phobia (something I've talked about... four years ago?) and pause and think again.
It is extremely exhausting for me to actually to get people to chin up, and it's bad when you're dealing with a number of two to four. I know I can be a bundle of joy at times, but sometimes it hurts me so badly that I just don't have that kind of energy to deal with other people's issue and try to get them to be more optimistic about stuff.
I probably shouldn't be complaining, given that I've often not optimistic in front of S. Gosh. Karma's a bitch.
I've asked S before the question that if I disappear, would anyone notice? He said he will.
I'm not sure if he would anymore, but I'm over my broken friendship with him. I'm just hoping other people do realise if I actually do disappear.
Over and out.
Saturday, September 2, 2017
Speedy fingers, serious brain
I've got to be faster at replying people - not because I'm often off my phone/procrastinating, but it honestly takes time (we're talking one, two hours?) to think through and reply thoughtfully on an issue. It didn't help that I replied to a few in the last two days.
The things I do for people I care about. I really should care less. It's not as if people treat me the same way, and I'm doing waaaaayyyy far out left field as a friend. I've confided in MH once about this, and he replied saying that that behaviour is just me.
Typical M. oh sometimes I wish I was just an airhead who doesn't delve into serious topics and keep to making small talk or yakking rumours and hearsay and whatever brainless topics there are in the world. It's both amazing how even talking about skincare to the online people I do talk to goes like this - "blah blah pH is too high and henceforth not optimal for the skin barrier, blah niacinamide is best synergistically used with n-acetyl glucosamine in a formula to get rid of hyperpigmentation, but do look at vitamin C - l-ascorbic acid is unstable but more effective than magnesium/sodium ascorbyl phospate, do get a formula that uses vitamin E and ferulic acid inside if you get LAA".
like, okay, it's a bit toned down that what I had expected, but still dude, it's the internet.
le sigh. reminds me of SW and her belief about how dudes will never get a lady which is their intellectual equal as their partner because it'll be all too intense. hell. I want an intellectual equal as my partner, if I ever do have a partner. (I'm betting I won't, ha.)
maybe intense is good? and maybe I should secretly thank the gods may be that I'm bisexual for that lololol.
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